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| Hospital Birth |
This
should have been the first page of my site, This is actually where my journey
for alternative ways of birthing, parenting and living began. This day was the beginning
of self discovery for me, it has been a long journey since. Everything I have
questioned in my life since then has stemmed from this experience.
My Story:
I remember from the very beginning of my pregnancy the
feelings of confusion, unhappiness, the feeling that those around treated me as
if I had some kind of disease that needed to be treated. I remember feeling like
every one around me "knew" what was better for me. I didn't question
this, I had no idea there were other ways of doing things. Society doesn't
question authority, most succumb to this. Who are these people taking the power
away from all able women, do they not realize this is one of the few things
sacred to women? When you feel, deep down something isn't right you should
listen to your own intuition, as I should have. Society thrusts upon a
mother the right way to give birth, they should (in a perfect world) be given
information pertaining to what women have been doing for thousands of years
alone, birthing their babies by themselves. This shouldn't be the radical
alternative, this should be the norm. It saddens me, the way most people are
lead to believe that hospitals are actually the safer road when it comes to
giving birth, the natural, empowering feeling of giving birth to their babies
are being ripped from them each day. Many don't even know the negative feelings
that hound them after giving birth this way are actually caused by the birth.
Why? Because we are trusting other human beings to do what we already have the
power to do. I will never trust in others again with important, life altering
decisions. I have made the decision to research ALL of my alternatives.
My Birth Story:
I was a few days past my due date when I was told I would
be induced. I abided and came to the hospital early one morning with my husband.
I was told to undress, it was so cold. I was checked I believe, for what I have
no idea, I surely wasn't in labor. I had gotten up on the bed, laid on my back
as told and the process began. I had a fetal monitor on my belly to monitor me,
actually this would be for the doctors. Of course they would need to monitor us
after giving us medication to start labor! The contractions began almost
instantly, and I remember wanting to get up and walk, lean over something, it
hurt being on my back strapped to things. I felt so restrained. I was feeling
stressed which in turn made my contractions worse. This whole hospital process
is absurd. I wanted to get up, take a shower. Nothing I wanted was granted, I
sit there feeling totally useless, my husband included. Things progressed
throughout the day in the same manner, my beautiful birth experience was been
ripped from me minute after minute. I hadn't envisioned this. Birth plan, the
must have forgotten it! At one point a nurse came in to check me, again and told
me my blood pressure was escalating (jeez wonder why). Medication was
administered, I was feeling sick now and I couldn't see, everything was double. this
double vision lasted for two days). I was throwing up all over myself, my
husband was yelling at people now. I was just so tired, so absolutely
disappointed. The vomiting lasted (from what I can remember about the day) a few
hours. Medicine was administered for this also, to stop me from vomiting. My
baby also had a fetal monitor screwed into her sweet little head, my poor baby. I
can't imagine what she was going through. I was so weak now that I felt I
couldn't go on, I wasn't sure what time it was. My blood pressure was still over
the norm so the doctor said that an epidural would calm me down and lower my
blood pressure. I abided. I remember finally being able to sit up and this felt
good, this lasted only as long as they could drive a needle into my back. Lay
back down I was told, and stay still because you shouldn't move. I was now
somewhere in between not fully knowing where I was and being semi aware.
The line was slim. I remember someone coming in and saying the babies head was
right there, did I want a mirror to look? I couldn't even lift my head, push
they said, how when I can't feel anything? I didn't believe she was actually
going to come out of me, I couldn't feel anything. I pushed and pushed, and
pushed, I couldn't feel anything. Finally they had to vacuum her out of me, I
didn't feel her actually coming out of me, it was an absolutely horrifying
feeling. I cried, and cried. She was placed on my chest and I cried and felt as
if I could never let her go, I'm sorry I told her, so very sorry that you had to
undergo all of this unneeded trauma. The first year of her life I was like a
bloodhound, not wanting her out of my site for a second, and not wanting many
people to touch her at all. I felt if she was away from my control for only a
second she may experience something similar. It was a terrible feeling. I
attribute this to the birth experience.
This wasn't how things were supposed to be, they didn't
need to be this way. The whole process was a domino effect, from the beginning
to the end. These things did not have to happen, I want all women to understand
there are better ways, this is not normal, this is not how things should be!
Take the control back, you'll thank yourself, so will your unborn baby!
**Please find information on my
homebirth page regarding gentle, loving birth experiences.
If you have also had a traumatic birth experience you will
find information regarding healing on the homebirth page also (baby and mom).