These are our children, lets take responsibility for them!
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should have been the first page of my site, This is actually where my journey
for alternative ways of birthing, parenting and living began. This day was the beginning
of self discovery for me, it has been a long journey since. Everything I have
questioned in my life since then has stemmed from this experience.
I remember from the very beginning of my pregnancy the feelings of confusion, unhappiness, the feeling that those around treated me as if I had some kind of disease that needed to be treated. I remember feeling like every one around me "knew" what was better for me. I didn't question this, I had no idea there were other ways of doing things. Society doesn't question authority, most succumb to this. Who are these people taking the power away from all able women, do they not realize this is one of the few things sacred to women? When you feel, deep down something isn't right you should listen to your own intuition, as I should have. Society thrusts upon a mother the right way to give birth, they should (in a perfect world) be given information pertaining to what women have been doing for thousands of years alone, birthing their babies by themselves. This shouldn't be the radical alternative, this should be the norm. It saddens me, the way most people are lead to believe that hospitals are actually the safer road when it comes to giving birth, the natural, empowering feeling of giving birth to their babies are being ripped from them each day. Many don't even know the negative feelings that hound them after giving birth this way are actually caused by the birth. Why? Because we are trusting other human beings to do what we already have the power to do. I will never trust in others again with important, life altering decisions. I have made the decision to research ALL of my alternatives.
My Birth Story:
I was a few days past my due date when I was told I would be induced. I abided and came to the hospital early one morning with my husband. I was told to undress, it was so cold. I was checked I believe, for what I have no idea, I surely wasn't in labor. I had gotten up on the bed, laid on my back as told and the process began. I had a fetal monitor on my belly to monitor me, actually this would be for the doctors. Of course they would need to monitor us after giving us medication to start labor! The contractions began almost instantly, and I remember wanting to get up and walk, lean over something, it hurt being on my back strapped to things. I felt so restrained. I was feeling stressed which in turn made my contractions worse. This whole hospital process is absurd. I wanted to get up, take a shower. Nothing I wanted was granted, I sit there feeling totally useless, my husband included. Things progressed throughout the day in the same manner, my beautiful birth experience was been ripped from me minute after minute. I hadn't envisioned this. Birth plan, the must have forgotten it! At one point a nurse came in to check me, again and told me my blood pressure was escalating (jeez wonder why). Medication was administered, I was feeling sick now and I couldn't see, everything was double. this double vision lasted for two days). I was throwing up all over myself, my husband was yelling at people now. I was just so tired, so absolutely disappointed. The vomiting lasted (from what I can remember about the day) a few hours. Medicine was administered for this also, to stop me from vomiting. My baby also had a fetal monitor screwed into her sweet little head, my poor baby. I can't imagine what she was going through. I was so weak now that I felt I couldn't go on, I wasn't sure what time it was. My blood pressure was still over the norm so the doctor said that an epidural would calm me down and lower my blood pressure. I abided. I remember finally being able to sit up and this felt good, this lasted only as long as they could drive a needle into my back. Lay back down I was told, and stay still because you shouldn't move. I was now somewhere in between not fully knowing where I was and being semi aware. The line was slim. I remember someone coming in and saying the babies head was right there, did I want a mirror to look? I couldn't even lift my head, push they said, how when I can't feel anything? I didn't believe she was actually going to come out of me, I couldn't feel anything. I pushed and pushed, and pushed, I couldn't feel anything. Finally they had to vacuum her out of me, I didn't feel her actually coming out of me, it was an absolutely horrifying feeling. I cried, and cried. She was placed on my chest and I cried and felt as if I could never let her go, I'm sorry I told her, so very sorry that you had to undergo all of this unneeded trauma. The first year of her life I was like a bloodhound, not wanting her out of my site for a second, and not wanting many people to touch her at all. I felt if she was away from my control for only a second she may experience something similar. It was a terrible feeling. I attribute this to the birth experience.
This wasn't how things were supposed to be, they didn't need to be this way. The whole process was a domino effect, from the beginning to the end. These things did not have to happen, I want all women to understand there are better ways, this is not normal, this is not how things should be! Take the control back, you'll thank yourself, so will your unborn baby!
**Please find information on my homebirth page regarding gentle, loving birth experiences.
If you have also had a traumatic birth experience you will find information regarding healing on the homebirth page also (baby and mom).